JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--01/11/2007

Jubilant Democrats on Thursday elected Rep. Nancy Pelosi as the first woman speaker of the House. All over Capitol Hill, you could hear toilet seats dropping.

George W. Bush has same problem as skiers -- how to look good going downhill.

The city of Baltimore is launching a program to actively recruit gay police officers. Gay cops. Their slogan is "Stop or I'll pout."

It cost $67 to get the snowblower unjammed. But at least we found the cat.

Bob Dole is back in the hospital. Just routine though. He's in there for his annual autopsy.

The World Trade Organization (WTO) is meeting again. On that subject, the press asked George W. Bush what he thought of WTO and he said "I don't follow wrestling."

It was reported that Mick Jagger has moved back in with Jerry Hall just so he can be with his children. And then someone pointed out at he can be anywhere and be near his children.

In West Virginia yesterday a man was arrested for stealing several blow-up dolls. Reportedly they didn't have any trouble catching the man because he was completely out of breath.

Finally, once upon a time, a man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?" [Sassy for the last]

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