JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--01/12/2005

I rode the Senior Center Bus yesterday. A guy got up and said, "Hey everybody! We have a special passenger with us today--he's celebrating his 100th birthday. So, let's have a big hand for the driver!"

The Winter Olympics are coming up. The world's greatest athletes will face the ultimate test. "Here, pee in this cup."

Did you hear about Michael Jackson's new band? It's called the Jackson Five and Under.

How can you tell if Michael Jackson has company? There's a big wheel parked outside his house.

I bought a new boomerang but I can't seem to throw the old one away.

I've learned to laugh at my problems. Everybody else does.

Boy, that last snow spooked a lot of people. I saw another flock of geezers heading south.

When I was in boy scouts, I slipped on the ice and hurt my ankle. A little old lady had to help me across the street.

A feed salesman is on his way to a farm. As he's driving along at forty m.p.h., he looks out his car window and sees a three-legged chicken running alongside him, keeping pace with his car. He is amazed that a chicken is running at forty m.p.h. So he speeds up to forty-five, fifty, then sixty m.p.h. The chicken keeps right up with him the whole way, then suddenly takes off and disappears into the distance.
The man pulls into the farmyard and says to the farmer, "You know, the strangest thing just happened to me; I was driving along at at least sixty miles an hour and a chicken passed me like I was standing still!"
"Yeah," the farmer replies, "that chicken was ours. You see, there's me, and there's Ma, and there's our son Billy. Whenever we had chicken for dinner, we would all want a drumstick, so we'd have to kill two chickens. So we decided to try and breed a three-legged chicken so each of us could have a drumstick."
"How do they taste?" said the farmer.
"Don't know," replied the farmer. "We haven't been able to catch one yet."

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