JR On WSDR

Archives Of Great American Humour--01/17/2008

Thieves at the Sao Paulo Museum of Art staged a daring heist in which they made off with Picasso's "Portrait of Susan Bloch" valued at $50 million. Several witnesses told police the robbers appeared to be women with both eyes on the same side of their face.

In Connecticut: An elementary school has banned soccer, kickball and tag at recess because the games are, quote, "too competitive and can lead to self esteem issues". I'm pretty sure if I was still in school I wouldn't be allowed to play my favorite game at recess: Hang a Second Grader By His Ankles From The Roof Until He Screams For His Mommy.

 We're all just one big happy family here. Instead of a salary, we get an allowance.

President Bush had breakfast with Presidential Candidate Mike Huckabee. Afterwards Bush aid he's never seen such a qualified candidate and Huckabee said he's never seen a grown man eat Count Chocula.

Scientists in China say they have found a dolphin they previously thought was extinct. Scientists say the dolphin is rare, beautiful, and delicious with mustard sauce.

Our football players weren't the brightest. On bus trips we had to hand out lyric sheets for "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall."

Arnold Schwarzenegger's approval rating is down to 30%. After he heard this, Arnold said 'I'm not going to act all upset and hurt because I don't have that kind of range.'

Singer Rod Stewart was born on this day in 1945. Before becoming a rock star, Stewart was a grave digger. He switched to singing because the groupies were a lot livelier.

Finally, once upon a time, a man owned a small farm in Wisconsin. The Wisconsin State Wage & Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him.
"I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent.
" Well," replied the farmer, "there's my farm hand who's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $200 a week plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $150 per week plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit who works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of all the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every Saturday night. He also sleeps with my wife occasionally."
"That's the guy I want to talk to --- the half-wit ," said the agent.
"That would be me," replied the farmer. [Lester, for the last]

Back To Index