JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--01/18/2007

Yanni has released his first CD in years this week. Just when you thought it was safe to get in the elevator.

OJ Simpson and his girlfriend have broken up. I guess OJ wanted to get serious and his girlfriend wanted to live.

In a recent interview, Hillary Clinton said that she never ever reads the newspaper. After hearing about it, George W. Bush said "Really, don't you care about what happens to Marmaduke?"

Senator Robert Byrd was admitted to the hospital, suffering from a bad cold. According to doctors if he drinks plenty of fluids and lies down, he should be back to his normal routine of drinking plenty of fluids and lying down.

The police department in Providence, Rhode Island is under investigation. After losing $20,000 worth of cocaine, the police chef said he has no idea what happened to the cocaine in his speech that lasted over 11 hours.

Lindsay Lohan's publicist says the has been attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings. Not to stop drinking, but just to be around other incoherent people.

The Grammy Awards are coming up. They named the award "Grammy" because everybody felt it would be too obvious to call it "Kilo."

Stevie Wonder is going to try regaining his eyesight. He thinks that there is a micro chip that they could implant that would restore his eyesight. That would be great to see the beauty of nature, peoples faces but on the downside, wait until he sees what he has been wearing for the past 20 years.

Finally, once upon a time, a blonde was driving down the street in a sweat because she had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place. Looking up toward heaven, she said, "Lord, take pity on me. If you find me a parking place I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life and give up sex and tequila." Miraculously, a parking place appeared.
She looked up again and said, "Never mind. I found one."

Back To Index