JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--01/19/2006

You might be a redneck if....

Your standard of living improves when you go camping.

Your prenuptial agreement mentions chickens.

Your town put the new garbage truck in the Christmas parade.

If you've got a matching set of salad bowls that all say "cool hip" on them.

You have to pass through a metal detector to get to a family reunion.

The first time you ever saw your wife in lingerie, you had to pay a cover charge.

You've ever slow danced in the Waffle House.

You whistle at women in church.

Your dog house and your living room have the same shag carpet.

If you have ever used a barstool as a walker.

Finally, once upon a time in a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"
She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you, Mr. Williams I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
The lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"
She again replied, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him."
The defense attorney almost died.
The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you clowns asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry behinds in jail! [Julie D., for the last]

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