JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--01/25/2007

Scientists have announced this week that they have injected a jellyfish gene into a monkey. So it is official - scientists have run out of things to do!

A new survey found that only one out of three men would go to a doctor if they were having chest pains. They also found that if a woman was having chest pains, two out of three men would pretend to be a doctor.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

Reason I am no longer married #48: One day, the wife told me "We are broke. There is no extra money for beer." The next day I noticed she had just spent $65 on makeup. "That's to make me look attractive to you," she said. I said, "That's what the beer was for."

Some scientists are saying that meat is as harmful as smoking. Yeah, comparing meat to smoking. Just don't eat smoked meat! And by all means, avoid second-hand meat!

What's the difference between a tongue depressor and a shoe horn? The flavor.

Seventy-seven year old race car driver James Hylton is planning another NASCAR comeback. You can tell he's the oldest guy on the track. After 200 laps, he still has his blinker on.

The latest issue of Brides magazine has a story called "Ten Sexy Tips to Surprise Your New Husband on Your Wedding Night." Tip number one is: Bring a friend!

Finally, once upon a time, the phone rings and the lady of the house answers, "Hello."
"Mrs. Ward, please."
"Speaking."
"Mrs. Ward, this is Doctor Jones at the Medical Testing Laboratory. When your doctor sent your husband's biopsy to the lab yesterday, a biopsy from another Mr. Ward arrived as well, and we are now uncertain which one is your husband's. Frankly the results are either bad or terrible."
"What do you mean?" Mrs. Ward asks nervously.
"Well, one of the specimens tested positive for Alzheimer's and the other one tested positive for AIDS. We can't tell which your husband's is."
"That's dreadful! Can't you do the test again?" questioned Mrs. Ward.
"Normally we can, but Medicare will only pay for these expensive tests one time."
"Well, what am I supposed to do now?"
"The people at Medicare recommend that you drop your husband off somewhere in the middle of town. If he finds his way home, don't sleep with him."

Back To Index