JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--01/26/2006

My wife asked me for a new watch for Christmas. I replied, "What's wrong with the one on the stove?"

What do the Green Bay Packers and The Los Angeles Police Department have in common? Neither can stop a Bronco!

What's the difference between a tongue depressor and a shoe horn? The flavor.

I saw Elvis last night. I don't think he saw me. At least, he didn't wave.

It was so cold downtown last night I saw a wino eating a beer.

He's probably the only guy in town who ever got his finger caught in a screwdriver.

Why should I pay $9.00 for a movie ticket when I can see the same movie on TV for $40.00 a month?

I took part in the federal witness relocation program. Actually, I had very little useful information, so they just moved me across the street.

There are worse places to be than in church. And I've been in most of them.

I went to a tough high school. In biology we used to dissect custodians.

Finally, once upon a time, I went to Mt. McKinley to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, I asked the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you?"
The Lord replied, "A minute."
"Lord," I asked, "What does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replied, "A penny."
I asked, "Lord, can I have a penny."
He said, "In a minute."

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