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JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--02/01/2007
An 86-year-old woman is suing the city of Brooklyn because the police department strip-searched her. Do you know what they found? Dust.
Joan Collins is dating a man that is 30 years younger than her. Oh, wait, I'm sorry, I got that wrong. He's not dating her, he's carbon dating her!
On this day 100 years ago Thomas Edison invented the first record player. Before that you could only hear Aerosmith live.
It was so cold downtown last night I saw a wino eating a beer.
When I was a patient, a doctor burst into my room and said, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we were able to save your pancreas." "What's the bad news?" "It's under your pillow."
At the Billboard jazz awards, Kenny G took home six trophies. The people that actually won the trophies are furious and want them returned immediately.
In Las Vegas, a 77 year old woman was attacked by killer bees. The paramedics needed a fire hose to get the bees off of her and a crowbar to get her arm off the slot machine.
Burger King has just signed an exclusive deal with the Backstreet Boys to distribute CD's and videos. Just go to your nearest Burger King. They are right there in the dumpsters.
Finally, once upon a time, a woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get out."