JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--02/02/2006

Seattle faces Pittsburgh in Super Bowl XL. The pregame ceremony should be quite festive at Detroit's Ford Field. Instead of balloons, Bill Ford will release 30,000 employees.

Did you see the game last night? It got really rough--especially after the referees fouled out.

This company has never fired anybody. We have starved 10 or 12 people.

Exxon Mobil posted record profits for any U.S. company on Monday -- $10.7 billion for the fourth quarter and $36.1 billion for the year. Wonderful. Now, maybe they can afford air fresheners for the restrooms.

Did you hear they came out with a new Selena doll? Ken and Barbie needed a maid.

I'm a little depressed today. Last night somebody stole my Jerry Springer garbage can lid.

The receptionist is coming around. Yesterday she shared her lunch with me. Best apple core I ever had.

I stopped in the truckstop on my way home last night. I had a "gravy-colada."

Finally, once upon a time, there was a couple named Morris and Esther. Every year, they went to the State Fair, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that helicopter." And, Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that helicopter ride is $50, and $50 is $50."
One year, the two went to the fair and Morris said, "Esther, I'm 85 years old, if I don't ride that helicopter this year, I might never get another chance." Esther replied, "Morris, that helicopter ride is $50. And $50 is $50."
The pilot overheard the couple and, thinking there could well be some fun in this for him, said to them, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up. If you can stay quiet for the whole time-not say a word-I won't charge you a dime. If you do say a word, the charge is $50 each."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of fancy moves, but not a word was heard from the couple. He did his dare-devil tricks over and over, but still not a word.
When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "I did everything I could to make you yell out, but you didn't, and I'm impressed."
Morris replied, "Well, I was going to say something when Esther fell out, but $50 is $50." [The last from Kay]

Back To Index