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To IndexJR's Archives Of Great American Humour--02/23/2006
I saw Elvis last night. I won't say where, but he bingo'd twice.
Some people think it's easy to sit here and spin CDs. But if you don't do it just right, they'll fall right off your finger.
How do you improve the aerodynamics of a WSDR salesperson's car? Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the roof.
I met a woman carrying a duck yesterday. I said, "What's with the pig?" She said, "It's not a pig. It's a duck." I said, "I was talking to the duck."
I asked the pharmacist for a bottle of Viagra. He said, "Do you have a prescription." I said, "No, but here's a picture of my wife."
What's the difference between Mr. Potato Head and Michael Jackson? Michael Jackson has had more noses.
What's the difference between husbands and prisoners? Prisoners complain behind bars. Husbands complain in them.
(Staffer) got one of her ears pierced yesterday. She was answering the stapler.
Finally, once upon a time, I was talking to a buddy. I said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants, so I'm stumped." My buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any time she wants it? She'll probably be thrilled!" So, I did just that. The next day my buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it," I said. "She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours!'"