JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--03/01/2007

Saturday is Mick Jagger's daughter's birthday. She will turn 63.

Did you see the footage of Kabul? People are singing and dancing in the streets. One woman even stripped down to her nose!

Nineteen percent of doctors say that they'd be able to give their patients a lethal injection. But they also went on to say that the patient would have to be really, really behind on payments.

Chicago has already hired someone to drop the ball on New Year's Eve - Rex Grossman.

In Florida a 72-year-old woman was arrested for having several bags of marijuana in her possession. Police became suspicious of the woman after she had knit a bong.

I spent Valentine's Day with my date, until she said those three little words - "I'm a cop!"

Britney Spears and Kevin Federline are going to settle their differences in Don King fight. It's called "Wailer in the Trailer."

You know the most common thing said by guys waiting in line for "Star Wars" movies? - "One, please."

Finally, once upon a time, before his 2001 inauguration, George Bush was invited to a "get acquainted" tour of the White House. After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked Bill Clinton if he might use his personal bathroom. When he entered Clinton's personal bathroom, he was astonished to see that President Clinton had a solid gold urinal.
That afternoon, George told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "When I am President, I could have a gold urinal too. But I wouldn't do something that self-indulgent!"
Later when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been when he discovered that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.
That evening, when Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed, Hillary smiled and said to Bill, "I found out who peed in your saxophone." [Lester, for the last one]

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