JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--03/15/2007

The alcohol companies deny that they're targeting children. Then how come in the store yesterday a saw a bottle of Gerber Strained Banana daquiris?

We had a survivor party a couple of days ago--everybody walked around naked. I think next time we'll invite some girls.

I finally figured out how to entice Kirstie Alley into my hot tub; the bad news is I still haven't figured out how to get the gravy out.

CBS has announced a another sitcom starring the one and only Bette Midler. And that is expected to draw the heavily sought after demographic of 18-34 year old males who like to dress up like Bette Midler.

If the election were held tomorrow, Hillary would easily defeat Barak Obama. However, they do say that Obama is the favourite to win the swimsuit competition.

Former rock star David Lee Roth wants to have his own reality show like the Osbournes. The show will be shot at the cardboard box that David Lee Roth is now living in.

Southwest Airlines is charging overweight passengers if they take up more than one seat. At first, overweight people get upset and outraged then they realize, wait, this means two meals!

Why won't Hannibal eat Britney Spears? Because he doesn't like artificial toppings.

Finally, once upon a time, four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."

The second guy said, "Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."

The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A

30,000 square foot mansion."

The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: "What are all the congratulations for?"

One of the three said: "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"

The fourth man replied: "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."

The three friends said: "What a shame... what a disappointment." The fourth man replied: "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends." [Frank&Marylou for the last]

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