JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--03/23/2006

Hollywood is out of touch with the country's values. Of course they are. People in Hollywood have lots of money and steady jobs.

Why is it good to have Barry Bonds in your starting line-up? He gives you a real shot in the arm.

It's a widely known fact in radio circles that (Jock) is perverted, sadistic, kinky, and degenerate. We're very lucky to have him.

My new girlfriend is hard to describe. Try to imagine Howard Stern with a bouffant.

If I took requests, I'd be out right now flying a kite.

At a party once, Jennifer Lopez asked me to drive her home. She didn't want to get sick in her own car.

I play in the over-40 basketball league. We don't have jump balls. The ref just puts the ball on the floor and whoever can bend over and pick it up gets possession.

Why does Michael Jackson want Barbra Streisand to get another nose-job. He wants the old one.

Finally, once upon a time, two families moved from Pakistan to the USA. When they arrived the two fathers made a bet - in a year's time whichever family had become more Americanized would win.
A year later they met again. The first man said, "My son is playing baseball, I had McDonalds for breakfast and I'm on my way to pick up a case of Bud. How about you?"
The second man replied, "Buzz off, towel head." [Serge for the last]

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