JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--03/30/2006

Texas is cracking down on drunks, even those who are still in bars. Fortunately, it's still OK to be plastered while driving your pickup truck.

I've wouldn't mind being a mortician. I enjoy working with people.

(Jock) says he misses living in the big city. There are so many more people to yell at.

The Dallas Cowboys have signed Terrell Owens. He's egotistical, combative and maybe out of his mind. No one will even notice him in Texas.

What do you call a lawyer who doesn't chase ambulances? Retired.

What's the ideal weight of a lawyer? About three pounds, including the urn.

I called the Incontinence Hotline. They said, "Can you hold, please?"

I tried switching to gum but I couldn't keep it lit.

Finally, once upon a time Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so."
Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. You may speak two words."
Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed."
"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed."
After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest."You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine."
"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future.
On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. "You may say two words today."
"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine.
"It's probably best," said the Priest, "You've done nothing but complain since you got here."

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