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JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--03/31/2005
You're An EXTREME Red-neck when..... [Those Dang Danlers]
1. You let your 14-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner table in front of her kids.
2. The resale value of your truck goes up and down depending on how much gas is in it.
3. You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
4. You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a different night.
5. You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so clean.
6. Someone in your family died right after saying, "Hey, guys, watch this."
7. You think Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
8. Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
9. Your junior prom offered child care.
10. You think the last words of the "Star-Spangled Banner" are "Gentlemen, start your engines."
11. You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off its wheels.
12. The Halloween pumpkin on your porch has more teeth than your spouse.
13. You have to go outside to get something from the fridge.
14. One of your kids was born on a pool table.
15. You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
16. You can't get married to your sweetheart because there's a law against it.
17. You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
Finally, once upon a time, a man's car broke down as he was driving
past a beautiful old monastery. He walked up the drive and knocked on
the front door. A monk answered, listened to the man's story and
graciously invited him to spend the night. The monks fed the man and
led him to a tiny chamber in which to sleep. The man thanked the
monks and slept serenely until he was awakened by a strange and
beautiful sound.
The next morning, as the monks were repairing his car, he asked about
the sound that had woke him.
"We're sorry," the monks said, "We can't tell you
about the sound. You're not a monk."
The man was disappointed, but eager to be gone, so he thanked the
monks for their kindness and went on his way. During quiet moments
afterward, the man pondered the source of the alluring sound. Several
years later the man happened to be driving in the same area. He
stopped at the monastery on a whim and asked admittance. He explained
to the monks that he had so enjoyed his previous stay, he wondered if
he might be permitted to spend another night under their peaceful
roof. The monks agreed, and so the man stayed with them again.
Late that night, he heard the strange beautiful sound. The following
morning he begged the monks to explain the sound. The monks gave him
the same answer as before.
"We're sorry. We can't tell you about the sound. You're not a
monk."
By now the man's curiosity had turned to obsession. He decided to
give up everything and become a monk, for that was the only way he
could learn about the sound. He informed the monks of his decision
and began the long and arduous task of becoming a monk. Seventeen
years later, the man was finally established as a true member of the
order.
When the celebration ended, he humbly went to the leader of the order
and asked to be told the source of the sound.
Silently, the old monk led the new monk to a huge wooden door. He
opened the door with a golden key. That door swung open to reveal a
second door of silver, then a third of gold and so on until they had
passed through twelve doors, each more magnificent than the last. The
new monk's face was awash with tears of joy as he finally beheld the
wondrous source of the beautiful mysterious sound he had heard so
many years before..........
But, I can't tell you what it was. You're not a monk. [Danlers]