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To IndexJR's Archives Of Great American Humour--04/05/2007
The Rolling Stones are headed off on another world tour. They're not singing, they're just off to see their kids.
I ran into a 104 year old woman at Kroger yesterday. I asked her what's the best thing about being 104. She said, "No peer pressure."
I taught my mom to play "Grand Theft Auto." Her car races with the left blinker on.
Elle Macpherson turns 49 today. Her supermodel friends surprised her. With a birthday grape.
In Ohio, a high school student is suspended for putting marijuana in Rice Krispie treats and selling them at a school fund raiser. But the good news is that the fundraiser took in over 20 million dollars!
Nobody loves me. Even Stevie Wonder just called to say he hates me.
Why doesn't Hannibal eat Bill Gates? He's too rich.
Why won't Hannibal eat Jerry Seinfeld? Because he tastes funny.
Finally, once upon a time, man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem . While they were there, the wife passed away.
The undertaker told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land , for $150."
The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance." [Gladiator, for the last]