JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--04/13/2006

I told my doctor I had been noticing a burning sensation in my eyes, and difficulty breathing after sex. He told me it was just the Mace.

What has four legs and no ears? Mike Tysons dog.

You know why are there seven pallbearers at a Polish funeral? Six to carry the casket, and one to drag the body.

An auction of Elvis Presley memorabilia raised over $1 million for Memphis charities. The King's medicine chest went for $6,000. The new owner says he'll turn it into a condo.

The wall between Mexico and the US. Are we going to use illegals to build it? We are probably going to build it on the Mexican side to save money on labor.

The boss's secretary dropped by. I have to admit, I love the smell of her aftershave.

My wife and I used to play catch with the children. Turns out we were throwing them too high.

I hope Shania is okay. I saw her on TV in those tight pants-and her pulse looked a little weak.

Finally, once upon a time, three Texans, Slim, Billy-Bob, and Bubba died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates, they were met by St. Peter, who explained that although it was late and God had retired for the evening, he had asked Albert Einstein to show them around so they wouldn't get bored before they met God in the morning. After Einstein had introduced himself to Slim, he asked: "By the way, Slim, what was your IQ when you were alive?"
"159", said Slim.
"Great!", said Einstein. We'll discuss my general theory of relativity and maybe a little unified field theory as I show you around."
"What an exciting opportunity!" said Slim.
Einstein then introduced himself to Billy-Bob, and when he was done he said: "Tell me, Billy-Bob - what was your IQ when you were alive?"
"141", said Billy-Bob.
"Good," said Einstein. "If you'd like, we can discuss a little mathematics and philosophy as I point out the heavenly sights."
"Nothing I'd like better!" was Billy-Bob's reply.
After Einstein had introduced himself to Bubba, he asked: "What was your IQ when you were alive, Bubba?"
"58" said Bubba.
Punching him on the arm, Einstein said: "Hey, Bubba - How 'bout them Cowboys!"

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