JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--04/20/2006

President Bush has announced a new fitness plant to get people walking. It's called $4.00-a-gallon gas.

Remember those hundreds of thousands of people marching in the streets in support of immigration laws? Yep, if there's one way to get Americans to support your cause, it's tying up traffic and making sure you can't get around town...

Congress has passed a bill limiting junk food in schools. It's called "No Kids Big Behind."

In my radio career, I have counted 973 goofs. I also have more than 700 assists.

Say what you will about (jock,) she knows which way the wind blows. She just can't seem to get her kite in the air.

Our generous owner has donated a new wing to the hospital. And also several buckets of thighs.

Researchers say too much TV gives kids problems making new friends. They didn't study long term effects, though, because none of them wanted to be around the little brats any more than they had to.

My girlfriend Helga has given up on trying to make herself attractive. She couldn't find a hair-stylist that would do underarms.

Finally, once upon a time, as I was packing for my business trip, my 3-year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point, she said, "Daddy look at this," and she stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said, "Daddy's gonna eat your fingers!" pretending to eat them before I rushed out of the room again.
When I returned, my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, "What's wrong, honey?"
She said, "Daddy, what happened to my booger?" [Thanks to Gladiator for the last]

Back To Index