JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--04/26/2007

It' a big day in Hollywood today. It's "Take Your Daughter To Rehab" day.

Michael Jackson is house-hunting in Florida. He told the realtor his biggest priority is a good school district.

Here's a heartwarming story - a Boston man's life was saved when a bullet fired at him was deflected by his cell phone. Of course, if he hadn't been talking on his cell phone in the movies, nobody would have shot at him in the first place.

In Rochester, Minnesota, a man was arrested for scalping tickets to a Kenny G concert. As a punishment he's been sentenced to life in an elevator.

In Alabama this morning a rare earthquake shook the South. No major damage was reported but thousands of those mounted singing fish were simultaneously set off.

The Pentagon says that we are running out of things to bomb in Iraq. Today we bombed the Museum of Rubble.

Happy Birthday to rap star Master P; he turned 37 yesterday. He had a big party. Everybody was there, Mr. T, Kenny G, Sheila E.

You know what kind of car he drives? A Datsun Z.

A Woman's Poem

He didn't like the casserole

And he didn't like my cake.

He said my biscuits were too hard...

Not like his mother used to make.

I didn't perk the coffee right.

He didn't like the stew,

I didn't mend his socks

The way his mother used to do.

I pondered for an answer

I was looking for a clue.

Then I turned around and smacked him...

Like his mother used to do. [Danlers-for the poem]

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