JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--05/04/2006

Drivers in Beverly Hills say they're so upset about the price of gas that they may hire immigrants to protest for them.

It took three weeks, but Barry Bonds finally hit his first home run of the season this weekend. He must be using those new time-release steroids.

It is illegal in Illinois to park in a handicapped parking zone without a handicapped sticker or Iowa license plates.

Britain's Prince Harry is an army officer, he may see combat in Iraq. He's a British royal -- so the first problem will be fitting his ears inside a helmet.

All of Jennifer's Lopez's ex-husbands are getting together at the weekend for their annual picnic.

Our salesgirl and her husband respect seasonal traditions. In May they both take showers.

Yesterday the waitress at the saloon had a very trying day. I tried, the guy next to me tried and three salesmen tried...

This just in. Tragedy at Dallas-Fort Worth International Airport. Four people were seriously trampled today when they tried to get off the airplane ahead of the smokers.

Finally, once upon a time, a drunk walks into a bar and says to the bartender (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for $37.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it."
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times then threw him out into the street.
The very next day the same drunk walks into the bar and once again says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill."
The bartender looks at the guy and figures to himself that he can't possibly be stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he gives him the benefit of the doubt, pours a round of drinks for the house, has a drink himself and hands the drunk a bill for $37.00.
The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it, so he picks the guy up, beats the living day lights out of him, then throws him out into the street.
The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and says (with a drunken slur), "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink, give me the bill." In disgust the bartender says, "what, no drink for me this time?"
The drunk replies, "No, you get violent when you drink."

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