JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--05/11/2006

Congressman Patrick Kennedy announced he's entering rehab for prescription medication addiction. His family is there for him. For the next twenty-eight days he will occupy the Kennedy Chair at the Mayo Clinic.

I've been in this business for many, many years, and I've learned one thing: it is really hard to get out of this business.

(Jock's) goal has always been to be a big radio personality. I'm pleased to announce that he has only about 10 more pounds to go.

I was always cool. I could tie my shoelaces when I was two. I can still do it.

My dad is Irish and my mum is Iranian, which means that we spend most of our family holidays in Customs.

I feel so great I may go home and mow my wife's half of the yard.

My parents were very strict, but I was never smacked as a child ... well maybe one or two grams to get me to sleep at night.

I was never good at sports. The only time I got to participate was when the girls let me jump rope with them.

Finally, once upon a time, a government employee sits in his office and, out of boredom, decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This will look nice on my mantel," he decides, and takes it home. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice cold diet Pepsi." He gets his Pepsi and drinks it. Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. "I wish to be on an island where beautiful women reside." Suddenly, he's on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully. He tells the genie his third and final wish, "I wish I'd never have to work ever again." Poof! He's back in his office.

Back To Index