JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--06/01/2006

All this talk about immigration! Why can't people earn citizenship the old-fashioned way? Marry an ugly soldier.

New Orleans held a hurricane drill, a rehearsal for the real thing. In New Orleans -- during a hurricane rehearsal -- you're only allowed to loot items worth fifty bucks.

I've never won the award for Yard of the Month, but once I did win for Weed of the Week.

The CIA has a new lead on the whereabouts of Osama bin Laden. They think he may be hiding out in an empty theater showing the movie, "Poseidon."

The boss took me to lunch again yesterday. First time I ever picked strawberries.

It kind of spoiled it, though, when the farmer ran us off.

Never tell (our salesgirl) a joke. When she laughs, she sounds like Flipper.

(Jock) is very frugal. I went over to his house yesterday--he was stripping wall-paper. I said, "Redecorating?" He said, "No, I'm moving."

The Marquis de Sade was born on this day in 1740. He enjoyed inflicting pain on people. And because de Sade liked to make people suffer, if he were alive today he'd probably be giving away Cubs tickets.

Finally, once upon a time, the Sheriff in a small town walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming down the walk with nothing on but his cowboy hat, gun, and his boots, so he arrests him for indecent exposure. As he is locking him up, he asks "Why in the world are you dressed like this?"
The Cowboy says, "Well it's like this Sheriff ... I was in the bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So I did. We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt ... so I did. Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants ... so I did.
Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts .. so I did.
Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, "Now go to town cowboy....
And here I am." [Danlers, for the last]

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