JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--06/09/2005

I tried to pick up a girl last night. I asked her, "What do you do for a living?" She said, "Female impersonator."

Why are blondes quiet when having sex? They've been told not to talk to strangers.

Weird bumpersticker: My other wife is beautiful.

Why are archeologists the best spouses? The older you get, the more interested they are.

"Doctor, my hair keeps falling out. What can you give me to keep it in?" "A shoe-box."

Three doctors were on their way to a convention when their car had a flat. They got out and examined the tire. The first doctor said, "I think it's flat."
The second doctor examined it closely and said, "It sure looks flat."
The third doctor felt the tire and said, "It feels like it's flat."
All three nodded their heads in agreement. "We'd better run some tests."

Andy Rooney died this morning. Doctors said his condition is 'satisfactory'.

My girlfriend Helga is a little on the ugly side. When she goes into a bank, they turn off the surveillance cameras.

Finally, once upon a time a blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure it out or how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The blonde said, "According to the picture on the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle. She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studied the pieces for a moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a tiger."
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then............", he sighed, and said: "Let's just put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box." [The last from Dispatcher]

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