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JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--07/05/2007
John Tesh turned 55 today. His wife gave him a present so that he could listen to his music in their home - an elevator.
I bought my lady friend a Catwoman outfit and we did some role-playing last night. Not a good idea. We started to fool around and then she got distracted by some yarn.
Earlier this week, President Bush spoke to the Amish. Well, it's the only group he could find who are not outraged about high gas prices.
In Kentucky, when three-year olds are running fast, it's called the Kentucky Derby. In California, when three-year olds are running fast, it's called the Neverland Ranch.
John Edwards wants to tax those who make over $400,000 a year. That means the corporate CEO, the professional athlete, and his barber.
It's the time of year when air pollution starts to become a problem and you see people start choking. But enough about the White Sox.
According to a new poll, fifty-three percent of Americans now say the war in Iraq was not justified. The other forty seven percent said "there's a war in Iraq?"
The original five members of Duran Duran have announced that they are getting a new album in the first time in eleven years. They're not making an album - they're all chipping in to buy an album.
Finally, once upon a time, a couple lived near the ocean and used to walk the beach a lot. One summer they noticed a girl who was at the beach almost every day. She wasn't unusual, nor was the travel bag she carried, except for one thing; she would approach people who were sitting on the beach, glance around furtively, then speak to them.
Generally, the people would respond negatively and she would wander off. But occasionally someone would nod and there would be a quick exchange of money and something she carried in her bag.
The couple assumed that she was selling drugs and debated calling the cops, but since they didn't know for sure, they just continued to watch her.
After a couple of weeks the wife said, "Honey, have you ever noticed that she only goes up to people with boom boxes and other electronic devices?"
He hadn't -- and said so.
Then she said, "Tomorrow I want you to get a towel and our big radio and go lie out on the beach. Then we can find out what she's really doing."
Well, the plan went off without a hitch and the wife was almost hopping up & down with anticipation when she saw the girl talk to her husband and then leave.
The man then walked up the beach and met his wife at the road.
"Well, is she selling drugs?" she asked excitedly.
"No, she's not," he said, enjoying this probably more than he should have.
"Well, what is it then? What does she do?" his wife fairly shrieked.
The man grinned and said, "She's a battery salesperson."
Batteries?" cried the wife.
"Yes ...." he replied -"She sells C cells down by the seashore"