JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--07/07/2005

I guy told me "My wife is driving me to drink." I told him, "You're lucky. Mine always makes me walk."

My girlfriend Helga had decorators in to improve her apartment. They just took the mirrors down.

What does a seal order in a bar? Anything but a Canadian Club.

What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? Bamboo.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog. After a year, the dog is still glad to see you.

Cher is joining the Spice Girls. They're going to call her "Old Spice."

Why would men rather buy a lottery ticket than fight with their wife? With a lottery ticket, you have a chance of winning.

It's not so bad being old. I threw myself a surprize party. I forgot to go.

Finally, once upon a time, a priest, rabbi and televangelist were playing their usual Wednesday round of golf, and started discussing their weekly collections. Specifically, they started to compare how they decided what portion of the collection to keep for themselves and what portion to give to God.
The rabbi explained: "I draw a circle around myself and toss the money in the air. Whatever lands in the circle I keep for myself. What ever lands outside the circle, I give to God."
The priest then added: "I use a similar method, except that whatever lands in the circle I give to God, and whatever lands outside the circle I keep for my personal needs."
The televangelist then proclaimed: "I also use the same method. Except, that I toss the money in the air and I figure that whatever God wants, he can take."

Back To Index