JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--07/21/2005

I tried a new laxative last night. It kicked in at 4:00 this morning. Unfortunately, I didn't get up until 5:00.

I got hurt shopping at the liquor store last night. The dumpster lid fell on me.

Younger girls have been approaching me lately. They want me to buy them cigarettes.

I remember years ago fishing with my baby sister. I didn't catch a thing. She ate all the bait.

My girlfriend Helga is not too pretty. Two guys broke into her apartment. She yelled, "Rape!" They hollered, "NO!" When she was in high school, she shared a locker with a mop.

What do they say to a WSDR executive in a three-piece-suit? "Will the defendant please rise?"

I once made love for an hour and five minutes. It was the night you set the clocks ahead an hour.

My girlfriend Helga isn't really petite. She's been diagnosed with a fatal flesh-eating disease. She's only got 18 years to live.

Finally, once upon a time, eleven people were clinging precariously to a wildly swinging rope suspended from a crumbling outcropping on Mount Everest. Ten were blonde, one was a brunette.
As a group they decided that one of the party should let go. If that didn't happen the rope would break and everyone would perish. For an agonizing few moments no one volunteered.
Finally the brunette gave a truly touching speech saying she would sacrifice herself to save the lives of the others.
The blondes applauded.

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