JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--08/03/2006

I understand there were Iranians at the recent North Korean missile test. It was sort of a military as well as cultural affair. They exchanged nuclear secrets and dog recipes.

Why was Michael Jackson kicked out of the Boy Scouts? He was up to two packs a day.

President Bush met with the prime minister of India. There was an awkward moment when Bush said, "Now that you're here could you see why my computer is acting up?"

The other day was Take Your Daughter To Work day. The Cubs had a fun time, played a little scrimmage against their daughters. Unfortunately they lost, 15-3.

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

What do you do if the Cubs win the penant? Turn off the playstation.

How many Iraqis does it take to launch a Scud missile? Two. One to launch it, and one to watch CNN to find out where it landed.

What's the definition of a bachelor pad? All the house plants are dead, but there's something growing in the refrigerator.

Finally, once upon a time, after leaving the racetrack Bill bumped into his old friend Peter on the bus.
"Say," Peter said, "How's it going?" "Going? You want to hear one of the most amazing things that ever happened? Tell me- what's today's date?"
"July seventh."
"Right. The seventh day, of the seventh month. I go to the track at seven minutes past seven. My son is seven years old today, and we live at number seven, Seventh Avenue."
"Let me guess," Peter interrupted. "You put everything you had on the seventh horse in the seventh race."
"Right."
"And he won!" Peter sighed.
"No. He came in seventh."

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