JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--08/11/2005

Did you hear the Police Station toilet's been stolen? Police say they have nothing to go on.

I've decided I want to die in my sleep, like my grandfather. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

You know the Presidents' Day holiday? You stay home and do nothing. They ought to call it Vice-Presidents' Day.

I saw a weird ad in the paper. "For Sale: Iraqui rifle. Never been fired. Dropped once."

Thank God for baseball. If it we're for baseball, our kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looks like.

What's the difference between a Born Again Christian and an axe-murderer? An axe-murderer will eventually leave you alone.

In grade school, the other kids didn't much like me. During Student Government Week, I was Coroner.

Our school didn't have much money. The school colors were "clear." We used to say, "I'm not naked. I'm in the band."

My girlfriend Helga lost 80 pounds. Unfortunately, she was in England at the time.

A Frenchman walked into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender said, "Where'd you get that?" The parrot said, "In France, they've got millions of them."

Finally, in Kentucky, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Bubba decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He took it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he got ready to take flight. He took off running and reached the edge -- into the wind he went!
Meanwhile, Maw and Paw Hicks were sitting on the porch swing talking about the Good Old Days when Maw spoted the biggest bird she ever seen!
"Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaimed.
Paw raised up,"Git my gun, Maw."
She ran into the house, brought out his pump shotgun. He took careful aim.
BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continued to sail silently over the tree tops.
"I think ya missed him, Paw," she said.
"Yeah," he replied, "but at least he let go of Bubba!" [Danlers]

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