JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--08/18/2005

What's the best kind of birth control after age 50. Nudity.

When I first met my wife she wasn't very social. She didn't start dating until after we were married.

I gave my wife a mood ring. When she's in a good mood it turns green. When she's in a bad mood, it leaves a red mark on my forehead.

Jennifer Lopez asked my out last night. I was in her room at the time.

I took my mother-in-law to the airport yesterday. She leaves tomorrow.

When I was a kid me and my Dad used to play tag. He'd drive.

I called the Psychic Friends hotline last night. We talked for six hours. For some reason, she never realized I'm not going to pay the bill.

Single people, like myself, throw the best parties. It's a furniture thing. If the place gets trashed, I'm only out $15.

What's behind every great man? A woman. What's behind every great woman? Some guy staring at her butt.

Did you know all great lovers are hard of hearing? (No, I didn't.) "What??? What did you say??"

Finally, after a long night of making love this guy rolls over, was looking around when he noticed a framed picture of another man on the nightstand by the bed. Naturally, they guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly", she replied, snuggling up to him.
"Your boyfriend then?" he asked.
"No, not at all." she said, nibbling away at his ear.
"Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy.
Calmly, the girl replied, "That's me before the surgery." [Danlers]

Back To Index