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JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--08/23/2007
The difference between Attorney General Alberto Gonzales and Mattel toys is that Mattel recalls everything.
My mom said my show was so good yesterday, she went to the supermarket without the bag over her head.
A man in Florida has been arrested for selling marijuana while working at a (Long John Silver's.) Police became suspicious when they saw someone going into Long John Silver's.
There are reports that Michael Douglas is getting ready to star in another "Romancing the Stone" movie. He's getting a bit little older, so this one will be called "Passing the Stone."
Chinese scientists say they have successfully fused human cells with rabbit cells. They're hoping to create humans with a lucky foot.
Star magazine quotes Angelina Jolie as saying in a perfect world, she'd walk around with no shirt and leather pants and boots. Wow, that's my perfect world too! What are the odds?
The economy must be picking up. I was at the mall, looking at a new Japanese video camera, and I couldn't help noticing the lens cap was designed and built right here in America.
Yesterday an earthquake shook Arkansas. No one was hurt, but several homes rolled several feet. Over 200 cars were knocked off their blocks.
Finally, once upon a time, a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question.
St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it."
The teacher answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate.
St. Peter turned to the garbage man and, figuring Heaven didn't *really* need all the odors that this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: "How many people died on the ship?"
Fortunately for him, the trash man had just seen the movie. "1,228," he answered.
"That's right! You may enter."
St. Peter turned to the lawyer. "Name them."