JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--08/25/2005

Bill Clinton turned 59 years old. Hillary gave him a surprise birthday party. Well, actually, Bill was having a party, then Hillary walked in and said "Surprise!"

The Rolling Stones are about to go out on tour. Tickets are $100 a piece. But the good news is -- Medicare will kick in half.

President Bush hosted a state dinner for the prime minister of India. There was an awkward moment when Bush urged the Indian prime minister to clean his plate because there were people starving in his country.

The NFL has announced it is starting a channel that will cover nothing but NFL players, games and statistics 24 hours a day. Up until now, the only channel that covered the NFL 24 hours a day was 'Court TV.'

President Bush is going to establish elections there in Iraq. He's going to rebuild the infrastructure. He's going to create jobs. He said if it works there, he'll try it here.

Knock knock. Who's there? The interrupting cow. The interr-- Moo.

What is E.T. short for? Because he's got little legs

How many dull people does it take to change a lightbulb? One.

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "I'll have a brandy...........................................

..............................................................

..............................................................

..............................................................

..............................................................

..............................................................

..........and coke."

The bartender asks: "What's with the big pause?"

The bear responds: "I dunno. I've always had them."

Finally, the National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four-wheel drive pick-up trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.
They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh, my god!"
Only the state of Texas was different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold my beer and watch this!"

Back To Index