JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--09/14/2006

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or Twist?"

It must be going to rain. My old football injury hurts so bad I can hardly sit down.

Up next, (Next Jock), not just another pretty face. In fact, not even close!

Now, today's higher education tip. Remember, college is not for everyone -- because everyone can't kick a football 50 yards in the air.

Tony Blair will step down as Britain's prime minister. No exact date has been announced for him to move out of his principal residence. President Bush's lap.

I made a album once. It sold 10-thousand copies. If you'd like to hear it, just let me know. I have 10-thousand copies.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate. And I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it.

Finally, once upon a time, an elderly man went to a house of ill-repute and told the madam he would like a young girl for the night.
Surprised, she looked at the ancient man and asked how old he was.
"I'm 90 years old," he replied.
"90!!! " replied the madam. "Don't you realize you've had it?"
The old man said, "Oh, I'm sorry. How much do I owe you?"

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