JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--09/15/2005

California is trying to cut down on the amount of lead in the air. The biggest source of that of course is from freeway shootings.

An application for job came in with an applicant's picture attached. She was a pretty blonde. On the back of the picture was hand written: "Picture on front".

Can I go to the theatre? Asks a mosquito to her mother. Yes but be aware, pay attention during the applause.

A morning dialogue: Banta, "Honey, you know when I shave in the morning I feel 10 years younger." Preeto, "But can you shave in the evening then?"

A man gets into a cab and asks the cab driver, "Hey, do you have room for a 6 pack of beer and a large pepperoni pizza up front?" "Sure, plenty of room," says the cabbie. So the man leans over into the front seat ... and thorws up.

A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you." The frog says, "This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," says the psychic. "Next semester in her biology class."

The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth.

An ant and an elephant share a night of romance. The next morning the ant wakes up and the elephant is dead. "Dang!" says the ant. "One night of passion and I will spend the rest of my life digging a grave!"

Finally, once upon a time, An woman of advanced age, visited her physician to ask his help in reviving her husband's libido.
"What about trying Viagra? asks the doctor.
"Not a chance", she said. "He won't even take an aspirin".
"Not a problem", replied the doctor. "Drop it into his coffee. He won't even taste it. Give it a try and call me in a week to let me know how things went".
It wasn't a week later that she called the doctor, who directly inquired as to progress. The poor dear exclaimed, "Just terrible, doctor!".
"Really? What happened"? asked the doctor.
"Well, I did as you advised and slipped it in his coffee and the effect was almost immediate. He jumped straight up, with a twinkle in his eye! With one swoop of his arm, he sent the cups and tablecloth flying, ripped me clothes to tatters and took me then and there, making wild, mad, passionate love to me on the tabletop! It was a nightmare, I tell you, an absolute nightmare!"
"Why so terrible?" asked the doctor, "Do you mean the sex your husband provided was not good?"
"Oh, no, no, no, doctor, the sex was fine indeed! The best sex I've had in 25 years! But sure as I'm sittin'
here, I'll never be able to show me face in Starbucks again".

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