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JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--09/20/2007
I used to play football -- but it was so long ago I used Absorbine SENIOR.
Osama bin Laden gave a video speech from his secret location Thursday with his beard and hair dyed dark brown. I figure he's fallen in love with a much younger goat.
Have you ever been to a 4-H Fair? My favorite part is riding the bumper cows.
It must be going to rain. My old football injury hurts so bad I can hardly sit down.
The economy must be picking up. I was at the mall, looking at a new Japanese video camera, and I couldn't help noticing the lens cap was designed and built right here in America.
Some people are made for each other. Personally, I think I was made for Shania Twain.
I live for wine, women, and song, but will settle for Pepsi, pretzels, and a hockey game.My girlfriend Helga is not a pretty girl. The last time I saw someone like her I had to pay admission.Finally, once upon a time, a man read, in the want ads, of a Ferrari for sale. It had only 3,000 miles. "Like new," the ad boasted. "Mint condition. $75.00." He laughed to himself, and he said, "There goes the newspaper, making another mistake." But he decided to call the number anyway and he asked the woman who answered about the sports car.
"Is it really brand new?"
"Yes," she replied.
"Three thousand miles?"
"Yes."
"The price?"
"Seventy-five dollars," she answered.
"Lady, what's wrong with it?" he asked.
"Nothing is wrong with it. You're the first to call. I suppose nobody else believes the ad."
He decided to look at it. She let him take a test drive. The car looked exquisite and ran perfectly. He just couldn't believe his luck!
"The car is yours for $75.00," the woman said emphatically, "on one condition. I want the money now and I want you to drive it away so I never have to see it again."
He paid her and took the keys. "Please tell me, lady," he persisted. "You could have sold this car for fifty thousand dollars. What is going on?"
She told her story: "I bought this car for my husband on our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Two weeks later he ran off with somebody else. Last week I got a card from him. They are in a resort in Miami Beach, Florida.
The card said, 'Need money, sell car, send cash.'" [Lynn]