JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--09/22/2005

I went to the dentist. He said, "Say ahh..." I said, "Why?" He said, "My dog died this morning."

I kissed a girl in a private place. We were behind a tree.

There was a power outage at the Savanna Department Store. 20 people were trapped on the escalators.

Why do women like quiet men? They think they're listening.

I took my cross-eyed Rottweiler to the vet. He picked him up, looked him over, and said, " I think I'm going to have to put him down." I said, "What--because he's cross-eyed." He said, "No. Because he's heavy."

I went to a shrink because of my kleptomania. He told he "If these pills don't work, see if you can get me a nice video camera."

Why don't blondes let the father in when they're giving birth? Because the father doesn't get along with their husband.

A teacher was asking each kid in the class what their fathers did. It came litte Johnnie's turn. He told the teacher, "My Dad's dead, ma'am." The teacher asked, "Well, what did he do before he died." Little Johnnie said, "He turned blue and collapsed."

Finally, once upon a time, a husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'.
He stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
His wife replied, "The funeral director would be my guess..."

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