JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--09/27/2007

Marcel Marceau died this weekend. In his honor, all of the world's mimes observed a moment of noise.

You don't think O.J.'s recent arrest will distract him from his search for the real killers, do you?

Presidential candidate Fred Thompson who has been reluctant to join the other candidates in televised debates has announced he will join the debate schedule in October. Thompson's only demands are that he be given a copy of the script two weeks in advance and he doesn't do nude scenes.

I played football in high school. With my shoulder pads on and my 27-inch waist, I looked like a funnel.

Frank Zappa's daughter, Moon Unit, turns 39 this week. The moral to that story is never buy a book of baby names at a Star Trek convention.

TV journalist Barbara Walters celebrated her 76th birthday Tuesday. She considered interviewing herself, but she didn't want to make herself cry.

Yesterday my show was such a disaster, the Red Cross brought out doughnuts.

I'll never forget my first romantic experience. It was similar to "Star Wars." Long ago ... far, far away ... in a Ford Galaxie....

Finally, once upon a time, woman stopped to use a gas station restroom. She could see that the first of its two stalls was occupied, so went into the second. She'd no sooner sat down when a voice from the first stall said, "Hi. How are you?"

Well, not being accustomed to talking with unseen strangers in a public restroom, she was taken aback-but finally replied, "Uh-fine, thank you."

Then the voice said, "So what are you doing?"

Well, thought the woman, this is a really dumb question, but finally said, "Uh-the same as you, I guess."

Finally, the voice said, "I'm gonna have to hang up and call you back. Some idiot in the next stall is trying to talk to me."

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