JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--10/20/2005

The phone rang last night. The guy said, "This is a telephone poll." I told him, "Yeah, right. This is a street light."

I went to my shrink. He said, "If these pills don't stop your kleptomania, try to get me a nice video camera."

I don't have the most exciting life. I even have boring dreams. Last night, I dreampt I fell asleep.

I'm worried about my health. I'm starting to make the same noises as my coffee-maker.

What do you do when you see a space-man? Park in it, man.

How do you stop a French tank? Shoot the guys pushing it.

When they say a dog food is "new and better tasting," who tests it?

You know what they say about families that stick together? They should bathe more often.

Finally, once upon a time, it was October and the Indians on a remote reservation asked their new Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or mild. Since he was a Chief in a modern society he had never been taught the old secrets. When he looked at the sky he couldn't tell what the winter was going to be like. Nevertheless, to be on the safe side he told his tribe that the winter was indeed going to be cold and that the members of the village should collect firewood to be prepared.
But being a practical leader, after several days he got an idea. He went to the phone booth, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is the coming winter going to be cold?"
"It looks like this winter is going to be quite cold," the meteorologist at the weather service responded.
So the Chief went back to his people and told them to collect even more firewood in order to be prepared.
A week later he called the National Weather Service again. "Does it still look like it is going to be a very cold winter?
"Yes," the man at National Weather Service again replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter."
The Chief again went back to his people and ordered them to collect every scrap of firewood they could find.
Two weeks later the Chief called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that the winter is going to be very cold?"
"Absolutely," the man replied. "It's looking more and more like it is going to be one of the coldest winters ever."
"How can you be so sure?" the Chief asked.
The weatherman replied, "The Indians are collecting firewood like crazy." [Lester, for the last]

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