JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--10/26/2006

Gotta go. I want to get to the bank before the chains on the pens get all knotted.

Rainy days remind me of when my sister and I were little kids--four or five. Our little faces pressed against the windows, wondering when we'd be allowed in.

I saw the old boss downtown drinking again. When it comes to drinking alone, he's in a glass by himself.

President Bush has called for a boycott of all North Korean products. So whatever you do, do not buy a package of Poodle Jerky.

A consumer watch group has released its annual list of the most dangerous Halloween costumes. Apparently, the most dangerous thing for kids to wear this year is a congressional page blazer.

What's the difference between being a Packers player and getting married. When you get married, you get a ring.

It looks like Exxon is going to buy Mobil Oil. They say their goal is to create the largest chain of filthy restrooms in the world.

I don't want to say Cher's had a lot of work done, but the other day she smiled and tore a rotator cuff.

Finally, once upon a time, one morning at Our Lady Of Perpetual Motion Church, a man came in on crutches. He stopped in front of the Holy Water, put some on both legs, then threw away his crutches! An altar boy witnessed the scene and ran to the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, " said the priest, "you've just witnessed a miracle! Tell me, where is this man now?"
The boy said, "Flat on his can over by the Holy Water."

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