JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--10/27/2005

I went to the doctor and told him "YOU'VE GOTTA HELP ME!! I'M UNDER A LOT OF STRESS!!! I KEEP LOSING MY TEMPER!!!! He said, "Tell me about your problem..." I said "I JUST DID, YOU MORON!!!!"

My girlfriend told me I need to be more affectionate. I'm gonna get a couple more girlfriends.

I'd like to help the homless. But, they're never home.

There is no sense being pessimistic. It wouldn't work out anyway.

People my age can still enjoy an active, passionate sex life. Provided we get cable or Dish-Network.

Did you know the Olympic skier Picabo (pronounced "Peek-uh-boo") Street is working in the Intensive Care Unit (ICU) at CGH Medical Center. They won't let her answer the hospital phones, though. There's too much confusion when she answers "Picabo, ICU..."

When I was a kid, my mom always tried to rock me to sleep. But, I kept dodging the rocks.

My new girlfriend's a little heavy. Everytime she gets into a cab, the driver tries to take her to the hospital.

Finally, once upon a time, four doctors were gathered in the country club lounge, talking business.
The Israeli doctor said. "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of a man, put it in another, and have that man looking for work in six weeks."
The German doctor said, "That's nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks."
The Russian doctor said, "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have them both looking for work in two weeks."
The American doctor, not to be out-done, said, "You guys are way behind. We took a man with no brain out of Texas, put him in the White House, and now half the country's looking for work."

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