JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--11/09/2006

I've learned a little about golf this past summer. I used to think a sand wedge was what you got if you sat around a beach wearing a thong.

(Jock) was moping around saying she felt alone and inadequate. I told her she shouldn't feel alone. We all think she's inadequate.

My daughter went trick-or-treating. She wore a black mini-skirt, a bright orange belt, a shocking pink sweater, fishnet nylons, spike heels, and four pairs of earrings. Times have changed. My parents never allowed me to go trick-or-treating in my school clothes.

I'll tell you what kind of luck I have. I went to a funeral and caught the bouquet.

The (Rolling) Stones announced yet another tour. This one is called the "we're grateful were not dead tour."

Do you know that the Rolling Stones are actually lowering their ticket prices for the upcoming tour? I guess they finally realized a lot of their fans are on a fixed income.

In Middlefield, Ohio, they opened an Amish Wal-Mart, a Wal-Mart catering to the Amish community. The Amish people say it's the greatest thing since unsliced bread.

Evander Holyfield was shocked to hear that Mike Tyson was fighting women. He said, "Tyson fighting women? I can't believe my ear!"

Finally, once upon a time, a guy was golfing. On the sixth tee, he took a mighty swing, the ball arced gracefully over a small hill and out of sight. Suddely he heard a loud howl from that direction. When he got to his ball, he found a man lying on the ground.
"I am a very prominent attorney in this town," cried the man, nursing his wound. "And this little incident is going to cost you five thousand dollars!"
"But," the golfer protested. "I did yell "Fore!"
The attorney said, "I'll take it."

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