JR's Archives Of Great American Humour--11/16/2006

They say teenagers always go to heaven. How come we never see angels playing electric guitars?

We've found a way to keep (Jock) busy. He's out in the garage counting his knees.

President Bush is not upset over North Korea's test of a nuclear weapon. He said it's OK as long as they don't conduct a nucular test.

My grandfather smoked regular non-filter Kools. I remember he always had yellow eyebrows.

I saw Ted Kennedy on TV last night--he looked great. He's lost so much weight he had to borrow a pantsuit from Hillary.

Britney's going to have to pay Kevin Federline $30,000 a month after she divorces him. And when you add that to his other sources of revenue, he'll be making $30,000 a month.

Did you know that 95% of GMC trucks are still on the road? The other 5% made it home.

My uncle accidentally drank a pint of shellac. Unfortunately, he died, but it was a great finish.

(A contribution from the senior Mr. Mertes)--Finally, once upon a time, an elderly couple appeared before a judge. The wife had been accused of theft and her retired lawyer/husband was representing her.
The judge said, "Mrs. Jones, you have been charged with stealing a can of peaches from the local grocery store. How do you plead?"
The lawyer/husband replied, "Guilty as charged!!!"
The judge then asked the defendant how many peaches were in the can, and she replied, "Six, your honor."
The judge then said, "I am going to sentence you to six days in jail. One for each peach."
The lawyer/husband asked to approach the bench, then whispered, "Your honor, she also stole a can of peas."

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