Wits' End


Blackie suggested this photo on our walk today.





Well actually, he was more interested in a nearby bush







...and then he peed on it.







Okay, truth is, I have no idea what I am doing.


Yes, with my life in general, but more specifically with this part of my website.


At the moment, I am feeling totally frazzled. It feels like everything around here is in chaos and turmoil, spinning wildly out of control. All I need now is for Blackie to get loose (no doubt that will be happening in a minute or two). It is already 4:30, and I still have to make a trip up to the store, and then get dinner going (pork chops tonight). The kitchen is a disaster. Will the kids get their homework done? They won't even tell me what they have! Half the time, their answer is, "I don't know"!!!

How can you not know what you have for homework???

Weren't you there?!!

It makes me crazy!


It's funny, BOTH Dani and I are feeling totally at wits' end tonight.

I couldn't help but think it is mostly a body chemistry thing. For some reason, you just get more edgy, irritable, and "prickly" than other times (too little sleep and too much caffeine and sugar? maybe?). Things that normally don't even faze you have you crawling out of your skin. A little clutter you look past any other time has you ready to kill someone!!!

It's like your whole body system is a computer that just needs to be rebooted...


...which is why I think God made life in cycles. You can always come to the end of a day and call it quits to that mess - and start brand new the next. Imagine if there was no way out of a bad cycle!!!!


A new day...

...and I woke up early this morning (around 5:00), and unfortunately, still feeling frazzled, unsettled and unfocused.

Not at all at peace.

It was just a vague, general sort of feeling, with nothing really specific I could pinpoint as it its source. But I couldn’t get passed it (I guess my system didn't reboot entirely!). I tried praying, but even that felt unfocused and frustrating.

Finally I came to the idea that there just was nothing I could do.

What I needed was the reassuring sense of God’s presence, of his love and care - well, that things were okay.

But I couldn’t MAKE that happen. Well, if I could, then it wouldn’t really be God’s presence at all, just a psychological trick, just me conjuring up the feeling of God’s presence, whether he was really there or not.

I would have just talked myself into believing God was there, and everything was okay.

That would be no good.

Better then to forget all of that. Let it all go, and simply turn to God.


“Here I am, Lord. I am yours, I give myself to you.”


And then, and this is the hard part...




Wait.




Let God do what he wills.

Now, I am hoping that what he wills is to come to me, and fill my life today with the peace and assurance of his presence, and that I will be able to serve him today with simple, pure, joy.

That is what I am hoping for!

I figure I am not doing anyone any good feeling all irritable and out of sorts!


And then - just by chance? - this morning I happened on this quote. Jesus said,


you are the light of the world!a city on a hill cannot be hidden.  neither would you light a lamp and then put it under a bushel.  no, you would put it on a stand where it would light the whole house!  so let your light shine, that all might see the good that you do, and give glory to your father in heaven.


Not much good if that light is all crabby and out of sorts!



PS - One of these days I’ll figure out what exactly to do with this section, and what it is supposed to be all about.

When I do, I’ll let you know!


PPS - I asked God to come to me... and you know what? he did!









2004 Paul Dallgas-Frey




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