Not so much by choice, but more because I didn't have the strength, energy or desire
to get up.
I had slid down into a mental and physical black hole.
At one point I thought if I didn't eventually recover from this illness, that was
just fine with me. Better even... life was nothing but a pointless, frustrating,
exercise in misery anyway. Why would I want any more of it? And all this garbage
I have been putting on the Internet? Pointless, empty, delusions. Scrap it all...
All the work of my good ol' chemotherapy!
What a great way to spend a holiday weekend!
Well, by Sunday I was feeling a little better. At least I FELT like getting up and
doing some stuff - I just didn't have the energy to be up and moving around for more
than a few minutes without getting light headed.
And when I was sitting around with the kids at the the kitchen table Sunday night, while they were
giggling and munching down a late dinner of KFC, I still wasn't entirely convinced
these were actually my children. They looked pretty familiar... but still there
was this cloud of lingering hazy, doubt...
By Monday afternoon I was finally beginning to return to my right mind (as close as
I get to that, anyway). I must have been - I spent a good chunk of the time reading
about Chickens in America from an old American Heritage magazine - and enjoyed it!
(Did you know there is at least one chicken farm that ships out over a million chickens
A DAY?!!! That's a lot of chicken!).
Until now it's late Memorial Day night (after midnight, actually - I really should
be asleep!)), and I am feeling much better.... though the ice cream sandwich I just
had still left a slimy film in my mouth.
I guess I am just going to have to get to used to that all over again.
But the events of the past weekend have taught me a few things...