I haven't been getting much sleep lately. I have been staying up too late, and getting up too early - and not getting much done! But my eyes especially don't like it. They are perpetually dry, an annoying little side-effect from my bone marrow transplant (I am putting drops in them about every 15 minutes), and yesterday it felt like I had a stick in my left eye almost all day.
So yesterday I told myself I was going to be in bed early.
I finally crawled into bed after 11:00. I just had to check out the new version of iPhoto (it's pretty cool!...we have a new version of iPhoto because I had to borrow money from Papa for a new computer as our old one blew up. Can we AFFORD a new computer???? I wish!). Anyway, so much for getting to bed early.
Then in the middle of the night, Blackie starts squeaking.
"Squeak, squeak, squeakity squeakens." (as we like to quote from The Emperors New Groove). That's the way he has learned to get our attention in the middle of the night. That, and the clickety click of his nails on our wood floors as he restlessly paces from room to room. It drives me CRAZY!
He needed to go out.... at 1:30 in the morning. I tried pulling a pillow over my head so I couldn't hear him, but that didn't work. Finally, I sprang out of bed, stumbled down the stairs and put him out. Of course, since I was up again, I figured I might as well fiddle on the computer some more.
I didn't get back to bed again until after 2:00. At 6:30 I was up again to get Marcela and Pepe up for school. "Let's see... If I sleep until 10:00, that'd give me another 3 hours of sleep. With the 4 1/2 hours I got from 2:00 to 6:30 that would give me almost the 8 hours I SHOULD have gotten..."
Did I do that???
I started messing around on the computer again, doing totally useless stuff - like making fake cover art for my iTunes songs...
Finally at 9:00, I went back to bed. If I slept until 10:30 (I had to make sure D was up then so he would get to work), at least that would give me another hour and a half, and Id catch up on a little lost sleep.
So now I am lying in bed trying to get back to sleep.
Can I sleep??
Have you ever tried to fall asleep - in a hurry?
Telling yourself, "Hurry up - get to sleep!" just doesnt work.
I took long deep breaths to relax myself, but that didn't help. "Okay," I said to myself, "I am not going to get to sleep. I might as well make use of the time and pray." ...well, that sounds a little too holy. But I didn't really want to get up - I really WAS tired - and I needed to rest my eyes if nothing else, so I figured I might as well at least spend the time with God (I am sure God is thrilled that I wanted to spend time with him because I didn't have anything else to do!).
But it's nice spending time with God, once you really get there.... which isn't always easy. It's too easy to get distracted by other things.
So anyway, I am lying there, thinking about different things, mostly wondering how I could best use the rest of day, wondering what GOD would want me to do with it. And then this idea came that I thought was so cool, I got so worked up about...
...I KNEW I wasn't going to get any more sleep this morning!
(See, he IS a funny guy!)*
This is what I was thinking...
It is just full of amazing, incredible, spectacular things. Think about the stars on a really clear, black night; planets whooshing through space; a brilliant, fiery sunset. Think of the Grand Canyon, Niagara Falls; elephants thundering across the plains of Africa, roaring lions. Or the spectacular LITTLE things, like the perfect detail of a tiny little wildflower, electrons whirling around in atoms.
Everywhere you look - spectacular. The world is full of wonder.
There is nothing dull and boring about anything God does!
But as amazing and spectacular as the universe is, there is something even more amazing. Imagine the universe without love.
Love gives meaning to everything. It is the reason it is all here in the first place. This amazing, spectacular universe is Gods gift of love to us. He loves us more than we may ever know, and his love fills the universe.
Love is the most amazing thing of all.
Yep, the world is just an absolutely amazing, spectacular place! Everywhere you look that is so perfectly clear. That's how God made it to be. He can't help himself - it's just his very nature.
God doesn't do dull and boring. God does SPECTACULAR.
So I am thinking...
...if spectacular, awesome and amazing is God's intention for everything he makes, everything he does - I am a PART of that. God has put me here for a reason.
I am a part of Gods spectacular plans!
Even though I am just one person among millions - one tiny, tiny, tiny part of all of creation, I am as close to God as if I were the only one in all the world. God loves me and knows me far more deeply, far more personally than anyone has ever known or loved another. He can love each of us as if there were no other because he is God. He can do that sort of stuff!
God knows me and loves me and he has a spectacular plan that I am a part of.
So I ask myself, what better thing can I do today than to do what God wants me to do?
Even though my part in God's plans today may not be spectacular at all, the end results will be more spectacular than I probably can even imagine. And I want to be a part of THAT!!!!
So I DID pray. "God, I give myself to you. Whatever you want me to do today, that's what I want to do. Lead me. Show me what it is, and help me to do it."
I really can't think of a better thing to do!
*Of course God is funny - God invented funny!
© 2005 Paul Dallgas-Frey