Why, God?

Part 4

So I toss in bed.

And I realize what I am looking for is hope.

I need to know that no matter how black and out-of-control things may look now, somehow everything is going to be okay.

I stare into the future and I HOPE everything turns out well.

I hope I get better. I hope we manage to pay all the bills without losing the house. I hope the kids turn out okay. I hope Y2K doesn't bring the world crashing down...I hope we have enough food to eat...

But is that just another way of saying I WISH everything turns out well? And is it based on nothing more than than that?

Everyone wants things to turn out well. "It will be all right," we always say when one of our kids falls and cuts himself. He is afraid and crying and we want him to feel better. But how do we KNOW everything is going to be okay? What if it isn't? Because, the truth is, it isn't always. Sometimes things break and they can't be fixed.

Is there really reason to believe that things WILL turn out well in the end?

Can hope be real?

Originally written the summer of 1999

2011 Paul Dallgas-Frey